A sort of Cinderella storyOnce upon a time, there lived a wealthy onion merchant. But for all his fortune in gold, he was most unfortunate in marriage.
This is a wonderful twist on a classic story! I love how you made Cinderella uh... un-beautiful. It was very clever and original. I think that not all princesses are beautiful and I think you definitely showed a modern twist. This has more of a modern conflict with a older setting. I love how you re-invented the prince! Making him gay was a wonderful idea.
I think some parts are unrealistic, but its a story. It doesn't have to be realistic. I think you could have added some more scenes/parts from Cinderella.
Overall, I think this was a great story! It was very original. I am rating the originality a 5 because the idea was very good. Technique a 4 because I got a little confused on what you were saying(probably just me being stupid). For impact, you will get a 5 because I like how you supported gay marriage and you showed how not everyone is beautiful. I don't know how to rate vision so I'll give you a 5.
Thank you for reading it, I know it was a bit long!
Well, fairy tales are generally fantasy stories with magic involved, so I didn't see anything wrong with making it somewhat unbelievable.
As to your trouble understanding it - yeah, I noticed a bit of awkward sentences there, too.
The person who made the request wanted many twists, so there you go! I thought the Disney version was way too pretty so I just had to make it as different from it as possible.
I worried that if I added more with Cinderella it would get so long no one would read it >.<